When a long term or permanent medical problem butts its way into your life and takes over, it is easy to forget who you once were. Suddenly you are thrown into a world of doctors, running to doctors' offices, maybe medication, symptoms that have you baffled, medical bills, and much more.
Quickly, you can forget who you used to be before your medical condition took over your life. You forget what it's like to feel good, "normal" for lack of a better word. And you forget what it is like to live life without worry.
You just want your life back. But you soon realize that your wish may just be a pipe dream. You realize that you may be destined to always deal with these things and you start to think that you will never again, know what it's like to go to bed at night; carefree, with a worry-free mind. But that doesn't have to be the case. Even after being diagnosed with a chronic medical condition that has dumped its symptoms in your lap, you can take charge and still be in control of your life.
Neurological problems and symptoms are some of the worst their is. With the nervous system controlling everything about your body, your body can suffer greatly when you have neurological deficits. Especially when the brain is involved. Everyday, "normal" functions suddenly become difficult.
When my brain began to change under the weight and pressure of my very large brain cyst, one-by-one, normal, physical functions began to slip away - one after the other, and faster and faster. I was quickly becoming a shell-of-a-person. And as things progressed and my brain began to slump, and my brainstem sunk into my spine, I developed neurological problems and symptoms I never knew I could develop. I felt horrible. There were days I didn't feel like I could get out of bed. There were days I didn't.
I remember, during those days, looking at my boys' very young faces - then just five and seven, and I would worry that I might not be able to watch those little faces grow into the faces of mature, young men. There were days that I was just sure, five and seven were the last ages I would witness my boys getting to.
Then, one day, I vowed that that would not be the case. I would fight as long as there was a fight left in me. I would not curl up into a ball and let this brain cyst, and Chiari Malformation beat me. I vowed that I would find an ounce of energy, each day, to find my purpose here in this world, and that purpose was to be a mom. Soon, that ounce grew, and it became an even bigger purpose. It became my will.
Everyone has a purpose, and everyone has a will. Everyone can find an ounce of energy to donate toward themself. Believe me.....if I can do it - you can do it. Don't give up! Whether it be that you just have the energy to pray - PRAY! That is a very good place to start.